


Dog Eat Dag, and Other Campus Calamities

by laurelofthestory



Category: Calamity Mod (Terraria), Terraria
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, College, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Mild Language, Multi, Not To Be Taken Too Seriously, Roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 04:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurelofthestory/pseuds/laurelofthestory
Summary: Ninety percent of the student body strongly agrees that Terra Mountain University is an endless pit of utter lunacy.The other ten percent were probably bribed by Dean Yharim.





	Dog Eat Dag, and Other Campus Calamities

**Author's Note:**

> ...Oh _boy._ Listen. At least hear me out.
> 
> This technically started out as a prompt on the Calamity literature server regarding the DoG and Providence as roommates, but I...got to thinking about it and it quickly got out of hand. Yes, I realize you're probably rolling your eyes, and I'm not proud of it. But _someone_ had to do it. So it's here. It's a thing. Witness it. Don't take it too seriously or expect it to be too realistic. Not sure on updates.
> 
> (Also, apologies about the awkward Calamity Mod tagging, I'm not sure how to tag something like this)

Pearlstone Apartments was a complex located near enough to the university that its population mainly consisted of college students. This also contributed to the college aggressively promoting the apartments to its upperclassmen, in some effort to give the dormitories more space for freshmen, no doubt.

However, college students were forever beholden to the available funds of a college student budget, so while the prospect of moving out of a tiny two-room dormitory sharing a bathroom between four people was a dream come true, it was not always something feasible to do alone. Therefore, many of the students who would be moving to Pearlstone made online agreements with each other to split rent and hope their flatmate was at least somewhat tolerable.

The moment Dag entered his new two-bed one-bath, however, he knew he'd lost the roommate lottery.

He wasn't sure just how long his new roommate had been in the apartment, but in whatever time she'd had, she'd already made the place smell vaguely like pumpkin spice, causing his nose to scrunch up in distaste. As he kicked the door shut behind him and dropped his suitcase, he glanced about at the living area--boxes were scattered about, a large display of sunflowers had been set up on the dining table, and his roommate had thrown decorative lace covers over the backs of the couch and several chairs, trimmed in gold.

The small kitchen was even worse. As Dag curiously pulled open cabinets and checked inside, he could see little gold-colored ceramic plates, neat plastic cups with gold flowers drawn on their sides, and a couple of frying pans and pots clearly labeled with a gold sticker with the letter 'P' written on it in neat cursive.

Hadn't _she_ been the one to post an offer to split rent? She was already taking over the place, and Dag did not like that at all.

With a grunt of frustration, Dag turned on a heel and headed towards one of the bedrooms. And therein, he found the perpetrator.

She was short and thickly-built, with wavy golden-brown hair that fell past her shoulderblades, wearing a sundress with earthy autumn browns and oranges. Her skin was tanned as if she spent a lot of time in the sun, and she was in the process of stringing golden fairy lights up around the room's ceiling, to complement the gold-colored sheets already neatly set up on the bed. She seemed to have heard him enter, as her head turned from her work and her piercing amber eyes glanced him over.

"...Bernard Dagby."

Dag scowled, "Just Dag."

She sniffed and jumped down off the kitchen chair she'd been using to reach the ceiling, brushing her hair out of her face before closing the gap between them. He was at least six inches taller than her, but she didn't seem to be bothered by having to look up, and also didn't seem altogether impressed with him.

"Providence," she supplied, holding out a hand.

"I heard," Dag replied, deadpan, "And I'm sorry that your parents hated you."

"At least I don't hate my name so much that I have to go by a nickname."

Dag snorted, and Providence pulled her hand back to her side, lips pursing in a pout. He got the distinct sense that she was sizing him up.

Dag stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets. "So. Mind explaining what the _fuck_ you did to the kitchen? And the living room?"

"I figured that if we were going to be living here for the semester, we should at least make the place look like home. Pretty it up, you know?"

"I live here too, you know. You didn't _ask_ me."

"I'm sorry, who made the offer?" Providence crossed her arms, clearly already growing tired of the conversation. "Well, what ideas did _you_ have?"

Dag opened his mouth, then closed it again. He shrugged, making a vague gesture with his hands. "I dunno, it's just--it's a fucking _student apartment,_ it doesn't need to be _'prettied up'_."

"Well, then there should be no issue."

"Where did you even _get_ all this shit? Frying pans? _Doilies?_ "

"Listen." All traces of comedic pouting left Providence's face at once, and her hands moved to rest firmly on her hips. "You agreed to room with me, but that does not mean we are necessarily going to be all _buddy-buddy_ with each other, especially if you keep acting nasty. I've heard of you."

Dag smirked, "Good things?"

"No. You're a troublemaker and a cad who likely should not have made it past freshman year and can't decide what he wants to do with his life. How you're still here unfathomable to me, but I don't particularly care what you do with yourself just as long as you stay out of my way while you're doing...whatever it is. I just have a few ground rules to lay out."

" _Really?_ "

"Yes, really." Providence turned on a heel away from him and began pacing the length of the bedroom, hands clasped behind her back. "First, quiet hours will last from ten 'o clock PM until seven 'o clock AM. That means no loud music, no having rowdy friends here past then--"

Dag waved his hands in front of him to stop her, "Whoah, don't I get a say in this?"

"No. We are each going to buy our own groceries, along with a shared pool of essentials I'll have written up by Thursday. Speaking of schedules, I have a chore schedule written and posted on the fridge, we switch off every week. I have my coffee set to finish brewing at 7:30 AM, and if it's gone when I get up I'm going to put the machine in my room and you'll never see it again."

"Why the _fuck_ would I be up at _7:30?_ "

"I don't know--maybe you have a _class_ you care to get to _on time?_ " Providence rolled her eyes.

Dag scoffed, "What kind of lunatic would _take a class that early?_ "

"Listen, I'm an early riser, it was either 9AM or 5PM, and I am _not_ doing another night class. Anyway, laundry and trash get taken out on Fridays, we're going to be switching that, don't move any large furniture without talking about it first, alcohol _will_ be allowed in here but you're paying for it yourself, and though I don't anticipate us spending a large amount of time with each other..."

Providence stopped in her pacing and walked up to him, standing on her toes and leaning up so she was barely inches away from him. Dag leaned back, raising his eyebrows.

"If you _touch_ me, or try _anything_ of the sort, I am going to _kick your ass_ and then report you to the police," Providence finished, lips pressed together in a thin line and eyes burning with challenge, as if she were _daring_ him to try.

Dag couldn't help it. He threw his head back and burst out laughing.

Providence took a step back, blinking several times and opening and closing her mouth like a startled fish. She recovered quickly, fists balling at her sides and eyes squinting. "What? What's so funny?"

"That's a _lot_ of assumptions. First, you assume you could beat me in a fight when I could crush you with one arm tied behind my back. Second, you assume I'd actually _want_ to try anything after all of _that,_ holy _shit,_ you have _problems."_

Dag tried to control his laughter, but it was difficult. He pulled a hand from his pocket to wipe at his face as if she'd driven him to tears--

Before he could process what was happening, he found his hand in a vise grip. He stared down at Providence, who was looking up at him with fire in her eyes and a slight smirk on her face, before she jerked him down by his hand and twisted his wrist painfully to one side, throwing her other arm around his neck when he bent over.

Dag couldn't help but let out a yelp--it felt like she was about to break his arm, and he couldn't struggle out of her grip without making the pain worse. She was keeping him from tipping over, but her other arm was in prime position to push him forward and off-balance if she wanted to.

He raised his other hand as if to push her away, but her smirk widened and she twisted his captive wrist harder, eliciting another hiss of pain. Her eyes were totally level with his, now, and seemed to burn holes in his head.

"Well?" she said, innocent even as her arm pressed down on the back of his neck.

He gritted his teeth, trying to pull his arm back, but she refused to let go. " _Fine,_ but this doesn't prove anything."

All at once, she released him, pushing him upright to keep him from falling. She stepped back, clasping her hands in front of her and smiling sweetly.

"It doesn't need to," she replied, before turning and walking back to the chair to continue putting up the lights.

Dag watched her incredulously for a moment more, before turning and leaving the room, running a hand through his hair as he shook out his other hand's aching wrist and muttering curses under his breath.

This was going to be a _long_ semester.


End file.
